I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
