my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Less talking, more tequila
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
