You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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