Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
