so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
