You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
