So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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