I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
