All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
