I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
