3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
