Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
