Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
