There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
