i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
