glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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