Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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