We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
