I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
