DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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