he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
