In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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