We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
