I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
