I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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