is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dick very happy bro
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
