the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
