She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
