I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
