There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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