he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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