I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
