i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
