RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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