There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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