You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
