I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
