Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
