I heard we made out
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
