apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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