At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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