even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
