We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
