4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
