my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
