Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
