Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I need new friends

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(317): View more from Indiana

Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.

Fav 8 1743 3525
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(773): View more from Illinois

That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby

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(614): View more from Ohio

I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough

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