so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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