Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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