between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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